Secrets of A Man's Heart: Dreams of the Heart & The Will of God

Dreams of the Heart and the Will of God

I am a choleric melancholic person and my battle lies always on my unstable, imperfect and impatient emotions. Many times , its not because I didn't want to pray but I just couldn't pray and often ask God why He just let me to sit for a long while on the bench while everyone are on the race. At 22, I feel so old because of so many things that I come to regret.  And there are so many if onlys in my head that chases me every single day. If only I chose a different course in College, then perhaps I am not on the field of finance today and not being stocked up by the corporate set-up. If only I study better and did not settle for less then perhaps my life could also be far more better. And the list goes on and on. . .

At this time, I also tend to ponder that its really too bad that I always thought I am smart when I was younger made me to be enslave on the stigma of awards and achievements in life. Now, I understood that being smart in academics doesn't mean that I am smart in life. The more I think that I know, the more prideful I become, but when God slowly empties my heart, making me lose grip on the source of my strength (knowledge and smartness) , He made me humble and stumble to the Source of His Truth, that alone leads to incomparable wisdom.

When I came to face the question "What God calls me to do?" , I know right away that it is all about the specific assignment design by God to each one of us. I believe that  too that no  matter  how we  do  good  in  this  life,  if  it is  not  the  very  will  of  God  to  my  life then  it  counts  to  nothing. 

I still don't know mine for sure, and from time to time I still dream of some things that I really wanted to do but not sure if it is also what God wants me to do, but every time I am tempted to do things aside from the things of the Lord, I often say to myself what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world but loses his own soul? 

In my  local  church,  my  Pastor  and  mentor tackles  about  Man on Purpose, meaning  someone  who  walks  to  the  very  life  pave  by  God,  to  the  life  God calls for  him/her to  do. 

In my heart I am  also  thrill to what  God  designed  for  my  life  to  be,  but I do  know  too  that  if I  really  don't know God's whole  plan  to  man  in  general,  neither  I can  also  understand  His  plan  for  me  as  an  individual. 

My  Pastor  describe it  this way,  "the  will  of  God is like  a whole  picture  divided into 66pieces.  "  Do  you  think  that  is wonderful?  Well,  I do. Its like reading a whole Philippines  or Asian or World  history  book. But  sometimes  reading  alone  is  so challenging,  and i admit that  my greatest  competitor is my old  self who  is image,  glory and competitive seeking self.  Sometimes  I get intimidated to someones  progress  but  also feel frustrated on how God  wants  me  to slow down and learn. That  is to my shame as  a Christian,  when I tend to not read  the Bible or Pray and just slack off.

But no matter,  I still want to persevere,  to finished the whole Bible  finally with  an empty  and contrite  heart  and just allow the Spirit of God to seize  the moment and teach me. 

It  is like  how the word  of God says  it, many are  the plans of a man's heart,  but it is the will of God that will prevails.  I want it to be true to my life.

In the end, I want to live and hold on to this promise from the word of the Lord, 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. - Hebrews 11:40

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Secrets of A Man's Heart