What I Do VS What God Calls Me To Do

What I Do VS What God Calls Me To Do

One day, as I open my Gmail inbox, I got a message from Alec Bevere of Messenger International, sending me a copy of their short film as an official launching of Messenger Studios, whose vision is to make films with a purpose, communicating truth through story, like Jesus did.

As I reflect on this movie, "What am I Called To Do?", what really strike me is this, "It is not about what we did in life, but it is all about what really God called us to do."

That is a very striking message and promising yet it is easy to say in theory than applying in real life. To be honest, the question that I am always contemplating in my mind is this, "How to know God's Calling to my life?" and in the midst of all these noise in this world, "How will I truly recognize the voice of God?."

In my home church, my mentor and Pastor is always correcting us, and guiding us and encouraging us that the ultimate goal in life is to be conformed in the image of Jesus Christ because He is the only Righteousness of God and the only one whom God will be please. Without His life in us, it is impossible for us to have the Holy Spirit of God. I honestly believed that but, How to live like Christ? Yet again , almost all of us know the answer in theory - to crucified the flesh. it is really easy to say but so hard to do.

As of now, I am working as a financial reporting associate in a company, yet I am still in a struggle if whether when will be in this life , that I'll ever be a CPA and I am still yet to take a civil service exam. All my life , I used to be an excellent student but I questioned God why everyone is on the peak of the race while I am on the bench. Also, at the back of the mind, I didn't even dream to become an office worker or to be on the field of finance. But why exactly I am here anyway? 

Practicality wise, I took up accounting but if I will choose, I rather be in the field of academe in order for me to be able to minister to many youths my age and also for me to have time on writing - the thing I really like to do. Being in the office, I feel stuck. But to pursue that, is something that I still have to work out on my prayer altar, and prayer is still a constant battle within for me, as well as reading the Word.

I do think though that the main problem is my impatience and pride, and that is a serious matter that God has been dealing on my heart for years. I still remember the first time I failed a subject in college, as a result of my prideful heart that I couldn't even bear to ask for help. I still remember the first time I failed the board exam while my high school friends passed. In our batch I am the most excellent student  and I couldn't even save face. But my Pastor correct me that time. He said that, "In Japan, it's not about education. " He also said, "Do you think that if you passed, you are still attending the church?" I really wanted to cry that time but I do also know that our all-knowing God is just peeling my heart from something that is not His and as I keep on seeing His glory, that's how I keep on realizing how filthy rug I am. My greatest fear in life is rejection and failure. I am really bad on accepting those things. However, as I keep on failing, I came to slowly understand that success has nothing to do with status quo, titles, awards, or achievements in life. It's not even about a degree or your educational attainment, or even about your family background. Success is all about reflecting God's glory and how you leave a mark to every people wherever you go.

In spite of that learning, the pressure is still on for me. My mama wants me to aim for the title, and while every mature Christians and non-Christians alike aim for a definite goal, I always gets frustrated on what to do next. When I was still a student, I desired to have an established life at 22. Now, at 21, that dream is still so far-fetched, then I realized, that it is not so easy the way my young self viewed it to be. Goal-after-goal, I thought, that is how reality operates, but every time I fall short, I always wonder if my effort aren't simply enough, or it is just simply not the plan of God, because His thoughts are better than my thoughts, and His ways are better than my ways.

If I will ever get a chance to have a do-over, how I prayed that I get to defined specifically what kind of established life I love to have so that I will only do things that will point me to that life, and I won't ever be lost in the oblivion again.

Now, all I really wanted to pray for is that, for God to somehow reveal to me even a portion of His ultimate purpose for my life, and that is a topic that only has something to do between me and God.

I really do love all the short clips of Messenger Studios by the way. . It's full of humor yet have a very relevant and important message that is life-changing. I do also have a younger sister, whom I support in College. Her course is performing arts and she dreams to produce a movie that will points everyone to Jesus. I showed those short films to her and I believe it inspire her more.

In the end, I want to share this Word from the Lord, “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9, NASB)” Many times, I planned my Life the way I wanted it to be, but God proves me wrong as He keeps on halting me and brings me back to His original course. I hope that all the eyes of our understanding be open in order for us to catch the vision and heart of God for His glory. Amen!